“Emotional Purity” & “Courtship” Discussions:  (on this webpage)

Have not yet dealt with either of the two topics shown in the title above. (on this blog I have set up; … I mean, not by using the specific terms I am using above, in quotations)  But, I hope to, here, over time.  First, it needs to be known that I have not read any books by any authors with the titles I am using above.  There are some books which have been written, either using (in the title) only these words or including these words, or the concepts many people “read into” these words, or … these words are used within the books.  (sorry; just clarifying; these two “topics” seem to cause some folks to get over-wrought, upset, passionately vocal, or verbally abusive.  I figure my readers may not be like that, but … just in case ….)

Will trust you all will patiently learn with me what has gone on in the minds of some ladies’ minds (both married & unmarried ladies) &  and some young ladies’ minds, and even some girls’ minds.  okay?  okay.  Let’s begin!

After reading most of two posts on a blog, online, by a blog owner who seems to have had a very, very negative thought-life regarding her personal experience with topics like “emotional purity” and “courtship,” as taught by others, she (now, in her blog) shares her “friends'” input on these two topics, as well as her own ‘take’ on these two topics.

It seems (unless I am misunderstanding her heart, in what she has been sharing on these two topics; I’ve only read two posts shared by her, plus some comments, many of which do agree with her, as if the writers of those comments are also ‘in the midst of healing’ over what was taught which was “wrong,” which was from their years of upbringing) that, for the blog owner, former-teachings-that-were-unbalanced Scripturally “produced” such problems as fears of beginning, or having, conversational relationships with men (for women), and with women (for men).

So far, from what I have read up to this point in time, on this lady’s blog, I am so saddened to see that, due to her own personal experience, plus that of so many others she has come into contact with, or has known personally, who have also been mistakenly misled to misunderstand what was taught, long, long ago, through what YHVH inspired Moshe / Moses to write down, for G-d’s people Israel, … this lady has suffered from hurts that no one meant to bring upon her.

And, honestly, she has ‘added some’ hurts, personal attitudes and other unnecessary ways of thinking, which I believe the enemy has interjected into the whole “discussion (as I call it) realm” which exists regarding these two topics!

The result?  She shares her own “viewpoint” about the two topics I am calling “emotional purity” and “courtship.”  I believe that is, in a way, what I will be doing here.  So, what is different about “my” doing this? (sharing my own “viewpoint” or “understanding” regarding these two topics)  Here it is — I was ‘not’ raised in a family that taught me about “emotional purity.”  I was ‘not’ raised in a family that taught me about “courtship.”  I had to make my own mistakes, as she seems to believe should be done, with regard to relationships between young ladies & young men  (unless I misunderstand what she seems to believe, now, is “better” for young ladies & young men, who are true believers in Messiah Yeshua, to do).

However, … how was my life better than what she seems to testify went wrong in her own life?  It was not better.  She seems to believe that, since she was home educated, and that she became a true believer in Messiah Yeshua (that is “my” Name I use for Him, by personal conviction; it is “not” the Name she uses for Him; I do want to state this, so you do not think I am implying she has a Messianic mindset, as I do), before she was married, …

… and because her own parents & maybe others she knew, before, taught her (it seems, from what she has shared) that “having a friendly relationship” with “a young man” before marriage, is sin (?), it has (in one blog post she wrote) resulted, in her own life, in her going through 10 years, of trying to “get over” the fact that she thought, herself (and thought she was being taught), it was “sin-ful” to “have” any “very close (i.e., friendly)”  or “speaking” relationships with a young man.  She also seems to have a lot of struggle over having a “good” speaking relationship with any (other) married man, or single man, now that she is married.  She is having trouble getting over how she was taught “not to front hug” a young man, she says (or maybe I got that only from comments shared with her on her blog).

But, most of all, it seems she is “blocked from” receiving the healing I think she seeks.  In many cases, that is a result of allowing oneself to become bitter (I’ve been “there!”).

It is usually taught, by “Scriptural spiritual warfare counselors,” that “bitterness” we “walk in” indicates we have accepted a “spirit” of bitterness (though we did not intend to).  YHVH is able to provide the “true freedom” every believer / follower of Yeshua should desire to “walk in.”  That is part of “the newness of life” that The Word speaks of (mentioned in Romans 6:4 and in Ephesians 4:17-32), which is supposed to “happen” after we surrender our lives to The Master, our Redeemer!

Some of us do need a bit more time, to grow “in” our Redeemer, in Truth as we study in the Instructions He has left for us to follow / walk in, for us to find more of that “freedom” we want to (and should want to) find, … and to sense, more fully, that “newness of life” which “does” happen (is given to us by our Creator) after we surrender our lives to our Redeemer, The Lamb of God.  He truly “does” take away our sins and iniquities, and puts them as far from us as the east is from the west, … as one song says “down deep in the sea.”  (where no man may get to)

I do not wish to mis-quote her (the blog owner)!  I *do* wish to respond to several things she included in her blog posts (I saw two on these topics, blended together, since the two topics seem to be combined, both in her mind, and in the minds of several whom she quoted in her blog posts).  These are important topics to discuss, I believe.  People want to know how to make wise decisions about future mates (my belief is that refers only to men marrying women, or to women marrying men)! That’s very good!  Anyway, these  “things” I will speak of, should help others (I trust).

All of this sounds quite disturbing, to me!  (I mean, the fact that this other blog owner is going through ‘major suffering,’ due to her perceptions of what she was taught, or due to her real life experiences.  And, I believe our Father in Heaven did not intend for her to have been mis-taught {if that is the actual problem} and verbally {or any other way} abused, by anyone, especially not by her own parents, who were designed by YHVH God to guide, admonish, help, protect, provide for, and benefit her {in every way they are enabled to do, by Him}).

I my own life, I believe it was a very sad thing that my own Daddy, whom I still love, though he is no longer living on earth, did ‘not’ protect me in teaching me Scripturally about what types of relationships are healthy ones, and what types of relationships I should endeavor to build with young men, who came into my life, through just casual talking, or while at college, for example, besides those I met or went to classes along with, while in high school study years.

I do wish he had helped me in these areas.  Why?  Because, if he had known to share some Scriptural Wisdom with me, from YHVH more than from just his own human wisdom, I could have made more Wise decisions about how to think, how to respond to my own, human feelings / emotions with regard to guys & relationships with guys I met or got to know, during my years over the age of 12.  I went through quite a few unnecessary encounters of various kinds with guys, and … I do believe YHVH wanted my heart to have been “more guarded” within me than it was, at the time. (especially when I was under age 20 !)

I mean to say my own Daddy was also not mentored (it seems) by anyone who taught him Scripturally “why” he should teach what YHVH has taught (in writing) are wise guidelines & principles any young man or young lady should “live by.”  And, I also mean to say my own Daddy “did” teach me some very good & wise guidelines & principles to live by, which he had gleaned from “real life” and from what He “had been” taught by those who were his spiritual mentors, while he was growing up.  Remember, I am serious when I say I am not blaming my Daddy!  I “am” saying, however, that what I was “not” taught, along with my own, natural “wrong thinking,” plus what I “wish I had been taught,” all resulted in some very unwise choices I made, while still in my growing years (under age 20).


What were some of the results of my ‘lack’ of understanding the Scriptures of my Father in Heaven?

— immorality

— deception (deception toward my authorities & fooling / deceiving myself into thinking G-d understood, or was not looking, when I messed up in my thought life or in my words or actions)

— a broken heart, more than once, over broken relationships or broken promises (mostly by others)

— a realization that I did not “love YHVH God” as I thought I did, during years when I was not yet married as well as afterward, during various times


There were more results that came from my own lack of understanding regarding “emotional purity” and the concept of “courtship” which were “not” taught to me, either by ‘church leaders’ or by ‘school teachers’ or by my parents, or others I knew:

—  confusion (about what was wise & not wise for me to do) & seeing that, it seemed, I was ‘on my own,’ to figure out what to do, in any relationship or supposed relationship that ‘came up’ in my own life

—  though I hoped, in every instance, to “do the right thing under YHVH, my Father in Heaven,” I did not do the right thing in all cases, or even in most cases.  So, I would say that I had some of the same results of the lady whose blog I am (in a way) using to begin these discussions about these two topics.  But, I was “not” taught about “emotional purity” or about “courtship,” as such.  And, I was “not” home educated.


In other words, I do not believe this lady’s “resulting struggles” or “emotional problems” came upon her, or to her, because she was taught, by parents and others (I mean, others who wrote books.  She mentioned at least two authors, so her readers would know “where she was ‘coming from'” in what she shared in her blog) that such concepts as “emotional purity” and “courtship” were to be held so high that if one were to slip off those pedestals, one would be living in sin.  I cannot think that way.  I believe she, or those who taught her, almost idolized some ideas or principles she seems to have adhered to, while she was in her growing years (at least until she was 18 years old).  To me, doing that was unbalanced in itself!

I believe her responses to what she was taught have left her with several “strongholds” in her own mind, which YHVH would like to “free” her from. He does not want, nor is it His Will, for anyone who believes in & trusts in Him & in His Son, to live continually affected by such ‘torments’ as anger, pride or bitterness, besides lust-filled & perversion-filled, violence- or revenge-filled thoughts.  He also does not want us to be deceived or to deceive others.

I believe He truly means for all (who have put their trust in Him & in His Son, Yeshua as Messiah) to live lives of “complete” freedom “abiding in” The One Who came to “to bind up the broken-hearted, … proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to {the} bound;” … and “to comfort all that mourn;” — taken from Isaiah 61:1b – 2   The One Who came to accomplish these things, among others, is YHVH God’s Son, Yeshua our Messiah, Who is also our Shepherd & Deliverer (from all that would try to harm us or has harmed us).

He wants to act as our Most-High Protector, Provider & Help in time of need!  — taken from Psalm 41:1-2; 46:1-2, 7, and Exodus 14:13-14 as a few examples of what He is able to do.  It is not His Will that anyone should take advantage of another, for any reason.  He may allow this, even to what we’d say are unreasonable levels.  But, He was there with the one going through the ordeal, and … in a way that most of us ladies still have plenty of trouble comprehending (as He’d like us to), He knows how to use what evil occurred … to turn things around in a way He knows He can use to bring us healing we need, and can, then, be used to help others grow as He is able to enable us to grow, according to our response to it, and especially to Truth He has for us to know, from it.  In other words, He gives us several choices along the way in the path toward (complete) healing!  He gives us much freedom, either to receive all He has for us to know, & have, & learn, or to reject all or part of what He freely offers to us, to benefit us more than we understand. (now)


I can only figure that, if YHVH God has taught that one (we) should guard one’s (our) heart from being ‘led astray’ from what standards, principles, beliefs, lifestyles, values and ways of thinking were taught *by Him (alone!),* … then, one (we) who believes he or she is a true follower of YHVH, of Yeshua His Son, should consider whatever he or she (I) understands / perceives to be in agreement with what YHVH’s Word teaches (an accurate translation of The Word of God “does” make a “real” difference! Doing word studies “does” help, greatly!), first.

Everything else comes after that!

I was taught (while in my growing-up years, under age 18) that God’s Word “stands above all else.”  And, I am very, very grateful that that is what I got out of what I was taught is true.  ( I do hope you can weed through how I worded that! )  However, since the congregation of believers I grew up around, especially while in my years of life between the ages of 12 and 20, … did not cover (well enough; no pun intended) the topics of “emotional purity” or “courtship,” I cannot say I had enough ammunition to shoot down any enemies of YHVH’s Truth, in areas of my life such as morality, or righteous versus unrighteous thinking, or relationships with guys or men, married or unmarried.  (aagh!)  Wish I had been taught more.  (by the way, I am a lady, not a guy)

However, will I ‘fault’ or ‘blame’ my own parents, or Bible teachers, for what they did or did not do?  No!!  By no means!!  Why?  Because I do believe they did, or taught, what they thought I needed to know, to help me to know how to walk with my Savior!  They did what they believed to be right and good.  But, apparently, they were either not taught about these things “well enough” to “cover” the two topics “thoroughly (for me),” or else they did not believe or choose to live by all the teachings originally put in YHVH’s  Scriptures (as written down) with regard to these particular (two) topics I am trying to deal with, on this webpage.

In other words, they did not “realize,” honestly, that if they did not ‘cover’ these two topics well enough, in conversations with me, I would be left “high & dry,” in some ways, and “without enough protection” to, then, be enabled to “choose righteously” how to think, speak or act on what my thoughts were (or my emotions, in the case of being around guys; my emotions were not “real balanced” around guys — anyone else experienced that? — while between the ages of 12 and 20, while unmarried!) regarding relationships I “should” have or pursue, with young men. (Okay, for me, “young men” refers to those who are unmarried who are generally, though not exclusively, under the age of about 30.  This term, as used by me, could include unmarried men who are over age 30, you realize.  This is not set in stone; it is only from my way of thinking)  ;o)   (I am over 52 years old. It is just a reference point.  Am not saying anything “by” it.)

How did the ‘lack’ of helpful teachings / conversations / discussions about how to have “positive” relationships with men, and about discerning who was (and who was not) “a positive, future, potential mate” for me … leave me ‘high & dry?’  In this way:  I was left to figure things out, on my own, for the most part!  (at least according to my own thinking, which, hopefully, was being affected by YHVH’s Holy Spirit)   And, it seemed I was ‘left to fend for myself’…*while* “in the midst” of some very uncomfortable predicaments, in which I was not thinking “like a wise, mature believer in Messiah Yeshua.” (ouch!)

They (my parents) truly believed that they should trust The Holy Spirit in me to lead me & help me & guide me to do what was right!  There is a right & good side to them doing this, folks!  However, in my own life, that did not leave me with “enough understanding” to wade through all the muck & mire of ‘real life’ regarding relationships with guys, while I was unmarried.

And, it has left me with results including these:   I have memories of some very negative experiences with young men.  But (thanks be to God!), I must say, honestly, my Father in Heaven has brought me much healing from all of those!!  — HalleluYah!

Though I made mistakes (my own decisions for which I must take personal responsibility), in not realizing the motivations or plans of other people (young men, in my case), God forgave me when I admitted what I had done wrong according to His Word.  And, though I did also trust The Holy Spirit to help me, teach me, guide me, into doing what I should do  (was I always listening to Him??!), … while in my years from age 12 to 20, I saw, afterward, I did not let Him “lead” me, though God has forgiven me for what I realized I did wrong, then.  In hindsight, I’ve learned more about the value of having a clear conscience, so I am enabled by YHVH God to ‘hear’ the promptings (The Voice) of His Holy Spirit.  Oh, how many of us wish we knew, back when we were younger, what we now know.  But, that is not how life goes, for most.

I was one who thought more from my human mind than from my spiritual “mind.”  (I cannot blame my parents, or teachers, for that.)  I did not realize that I was doing that.  But that is what I did (in hindsight).  That left me with these negative memories, though YHVH God has forgiven me for what I have repented of, confessed & have forsaken.  I also was very much affected by my emotions which were mixed in with my thinking.  Many women are like this!  To have been able to hear The Holy Spirit, and also remind myself “not” to listen to my “emotions” or to my ‘hormonal activities’ at work inside me, would have helped me make some wise choices, back then!


I did not always make the right decisions, with regard to young men with whom I interacted!  No one has done it all exactly right all the time (… except Yeshua, YHVH’s only-begotten Son!).  But, I do realize YHVH God, my Father in Heaven, is much more Understanding, & Compassionate, & Kind-hearted & Loving toward me, … than my human understanding can comprehend!  I can “appreciate” these things in Him!  I am “aware of” these things in Him!  I just do not “fully comprehend” these things He has, in Himself, and is capable of demonstrating to me, in my life!  (In other words, I do not blame Him for allowing what happened to me!  Am thankful He “is” so Understanding and Compassionate!  He is ready to heal & deliver anyone who cries out to Him for these needs!)

YHVH has continued to teach me (though at each point in my life, while He is trying to develop His Spirit and His Godly Character in me, I may not respond to Him in the way that is wisest, from His Perspective) … more about “His” Ways and “His” Desires for my life, to be lived out in a way that glorifies / praises / honors His Name!


From my own past, though endeavoring not to be disrespectful of the position of my own parents, in sharing these things, since I do not blame them for “wrong (unrighteous in YHVH’s Sight) decisions” I made on my own, without asking their advice, … I must admit I wish I had understood (better) The Way of YHVH, from a closer study in His Word, regarding relationships between ladies & gentlemen!

What difference would that have made in my own life?  Once again, not blaming my own parents, I did not realize (as a young lady, over age 12 and under age 20) what I did not realize, about life in general!  Wish I had!  If I had realized more that was true, that just goes on in life on earth on a regular basis, in human interactions, I would have been much more wise (Americans often use the word “careful” instead of “wise,” here)  in my thought life, and in my words, and in trying to guard my emotions / feelings, and in actions I chose to do / take.  Then, … I would have achieved better results than what I am now left with (through my own fault;we all make mistakes, but that does not make what we’ve done “good” in God’s Sight, as taught in His Word, from His Perspective, and not from my understanding of what His Word teaches).


What were some results in my own life, of “not” having learned more clear instructions about “the ways of (YHVH’s Instructions about)” what some, online, call “Emotional Purity” or “Courtship”before marriage?  or before I reached the age of 12 or 13?

I know of more than just me, among married moms, and also among unmarried ladies (who all believe they are, individually, “true believers” in / “true followers” of Yeshua The Messiah), … for whom it is true we wish we had known more about such topics as “emotional purity” before marriage, and that we had been taught how Scriptural the idea is that is ‘intended’ when the word “courtship” is used, by some who have tried to teach what they understand “that word (or those words)” to mean (in truth, according to YHVH’s own Thinking).

As a result of some married (believing) moms who are in unhealthy relationships with their husbands, it is true they never intended to marry anyone who was not healthy emotionally, or who was formerly abused in any way (verbally or physically; or through being exposed to immoral images, taken in through their eyes, sometimes while in art classes, in middle- or high-school studies, or while at the library, even… for a few examples to help you understand what I have in mind, when I share these things), or … who was not mature, spiritually, to the level YHVH God would want these men to be “at” to produce a long-lasting, fulfilling marriage for both husband and wife.

However, through circumstances, and through life choices, and through people with whom these ladies came into contact, at the various points in their lives, … they are (now) in forever – relationships with men with whom they find they do not have much in common, spiritually, or emotionally, maybe mentally.  Goals differ; hopes & dreams differ; lifestyle preferences differ.  The relationships are not positive in some ways, though there is provision, financially, in many cases.  The relationship of marriage is not what it should be, speaking from a Scriptural perspective, for them.

Yet, they “do” see that YHVH God “is” at work in each of them (the ladies), though they are saddened to see that their husbands do not seem to be “growing” as it seems YHVH would want them to be “growing (*in* Messiah Yeshua).”  Much frustration can result from this going on!  This goes on more than many of us realize!  It is painful!  Yet, YHVH is still able to heal & restore these ladies, emotionally, and in their minds!

The enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy!  But, YHVH, our Healer, our re-Creator and our new-Life-Giver, is still able to build up what was broken down, and is still able to fix what has become messed up!  HalleluYah!!

There are quite a few (maybe thousands) who are still in relationships which are not healthy, nor are they balanced, in some ways.  (some may be unmarried, but have long-lasting, trust-filled relationships with others who are of the opposite gender; no sexual intercourse involved, I mean; in some cases, it may seem to a believing lady that she would prefer to remain unmarried, due to the unhealthy relationships she has observed, either within her own parents’ family she grew up in, or among those she knows well)  But, they believe in “The One Who is able to heal, restore,” & … these are ladies who are “not” in (verbally or physically) abusive relationships!  (I do want to make that clear)  They are just married to men who have not seemed to be growing as the wife thought the men were growing “in” Messiah Yeshua.  That is hard to live with! (figuring that it may never change, I mean)

But, … nevertheless … many wives are suffering, deep inside, in one way or another, in their forever – relationships with husbands who are in varying stages of development toward maturity in Messiah, our Redeemer (as are the ladies, as well; we are all “growing” *in* Messiah Yeshua!).  They are doing what they can, and are forgiving, and are asking forgiveness for their (the wives’) wrongdoings, also!  Some, also, are seeing YHVH God deliver them and their husbands, day by day, from wrong thinking, which comes as a result of believing lies the enemy wants to plant in the minds of anyone who will ‘agree’ with those lies / ideas.  But it is a step by step process.  For some, it seems to take quite a long time. (!)

All of us, including the moms *and* their husbands, are learning how Merciful YHVH is!  He is so very Patient and Long-suffering with each of us!

Am observing that we are all (all who are true followers of Messiah Yeshua) seeing more clearly (the more we study His Word & grow “in” Yeshua’s Truths He has taught, which “do” include what YHVH taught through Moshe / Moses in The Torah) that, as we walk one more step (might represent one day; might represent a small part of one day) “with” our Messiah, that He reveals to us more that He knows we are able to understand, with each new “area of Light” He sets / places us in.

He knows how to Gently, Lovingly deal with each of us!  He is still teaching me I need to listen & try to walk *in* The Light He gives me, receiving His Grace (from His perspective; not from what we understand Grace to be) and His Shalom / Peace.  ;o)  Oh, if only I would listen to Him more carefully (with more diligence and perverance)!

However, what can be done to help those (men & women; gentlemen & ladies) who are in, or have been in, relationships which either went nowhere good, or that have ended?  Is there still acceptance in “The Beloved?” (in YHVH, I mean)  Yes!  by all means!  He is ready, always, to accept us, again & again, into His Loving Arms!

We can run to Him Who “is” Understanding & Compassion!  We can pray to Him, even crying out to YHVH God, as did David the kind of Israel!  When we do this, He hears our cries and restores what the enemy has tried to destroy or do to “abuse us” through lying or deceptive thinking.  (even the lies “we” have believed, which led us astray; those are traps / pits into which the enemy wants us to fall; he forgets our Master & King is fully able to deliver us out of the traps and pits.  But, satan can observe our tendencies, from the outside, and tries to work diligently to get us to fall, anyway. Only after he sees we will use a temptation to “mess up” to pray for some missionaries we know, or other believers we know, consistently, and as he sees we will not let his lies cross the threshold of our minds, to get in, for us to think about, for longer than the momentary thought that ‘tries to get in,’ … then, he backs off.  He, then, sees we are not such as easy target as he had seen we were, before.  When we get to this point, in our ability to humble ourselves before YHVH and resist the devil, he “certainly” will “flee.”  He cannot “stand” in the presence of one whose heart is more focused on The One Who redeemed him or her!)

When we begin to see, more & more, that the pain & suffering we have been through, which were meant by God’s enemy to be used to destroy us, or hinder us, or mislead us, or discourage or depress us, or distract us, … out of YHVH’s “Way,” … can (soon, or now, begin to) be used to build, in us, more of what YHVH wants to have, inside us, we are on our way to healing & restoration.  “The result” which can be brought about … depends on our response(s) to what we have lived through & how YHVH is at work “in” us (now).  The life of believers like Corrie ten Boom exemplify what can be done in the soul of one who is submitted to YHVH God’s Will for her life.


How can anything evil, or bad, or that includes “suffering” we have to go through, be used to “build in us” anything “YHVH wants (us) to have inside us?”  Because He is able to turn what seems (most clearly) to be bad, or evil, … into something He can use to bring about “much good” *in* us.  And, He can do this, also, *in* those whose lives are affected by ours, afterward.  He brings about “much good” by teaching us new ways to think (renewing our minds through study in His Word), using His Holy Spirit and our desire to get to know Him better, to do this.

I have seen this occur in other believers, who have been through “much abuse” from people inside their families or from people outside their families.  I have also seen this in some ladies with whom I have shared some experiences my Father in Heaven did not “want” me to go through, but which He allowed to happen and which I had a part in choosing.  (though unwittingly)  My choices were a result of what I had chosen to think, or do, or say.  And, they were also a result of some ignorance, plus some lack of knowledge, about some things that go on in life.

Why did I choose to think, or do, or say, something wrong?  Because I have been living in a fleshly body.  I am redeemed “in” Messiah Yeshua, yet He allowed me to make choices, when much younger, which were wrong.  Yet, He still had His Hand on my life!  I do believe I have been made a spiritual being “in” Messiah Yeshua (already; it is “a done deal,” finished!), because “He” finished it all on the Roman execution stake, and because I believe in what He did on my behalf (He paid all the debt I owed to my Father in Heaven, as a result of my prideful, selfish sins and iniquities)!

However, it is true I must “walk” in, “receive,” the spirituality He has offered me and which I received!  I must “live it out” in how I think, and how I speak, and in how I act, … in what I do!  In this way, I show that I “am” a spiritual being whom He has redeemed!  — HalleluYah!!  (we are to examine ourselves, to see if we are “in the faith” — II Corinthians 13:5)


When we read on blogs what others believe, or think, we do need to apply the discernment YHVH our Father in Heaven does give to us to use!  Otherwise, we may find we think we “must” leave a comment of our own on those blog sites, which may be either mis-used, or mis-quoted, by those who are leaving comments, or by authors on those blog sites.

Why?  (I mean, “why” will our “comments” be mis-used, or mis-quoted …?) Because they (in the case of the blog owner I am referring to & to others like her) carry with them ‘hurts’ and ‘offenses’ and ‘unforgiveness’ and even, in some cases, deep, bitter feelings they have acquired.  Why?  … it is only due to their not realizing Who wanted to be allowed to bring healing & restoration to them.  And, they have not fully received what they need from Him.

They are “trying” to receive it.  But, I am aware that, among some people, there are other ‘influences’ which they may not be aware are hindering them from receiving the full healing their Father in Heaven offers them & intends for them to receive.  They do not know how to re-open the door in the wall they do not see they have let the enemy build between themselves & their Maker (and between themselves & others who have “hurt” them).

How painful to watch as many re-hash the former hurts, and the abuses (which are real!), which former words, actions or attitudes of others (& sometimes of themselves) have left them to deal with!

Sometimes, I’ve realized that it was my own wrong attitudes or wrong thoughts which misled me!  (Have you ever been deceived by your own thoughts?  … I mean, by thoughts which you did not realize you “allowed into your mind” from the enemy’s evil thoughts he tried to put into your mind?)  These wrong attitudes or thoughts left me (my heart or my emotions) struggling to re-discover the peace I had formerly “had” with my Savior.  — James 1:2 – 27

How sad it is to read what some young, and older, people share, online, who truly believe they are “true followers” of Yeshua, God’s Son!  I am not saying they are not.  But, I sometimes wonder if they “know (as well as they “think” they know; some are “quite young” in age!)”  The One (Yeshua) Who died to “fully heal” and “fully restore” and “fully deliver” them from not only an eternal death & eternal punishment, … but also from the “power” of the “evil one” who seeks to continue to bring into their minds the former mess-ups and wrong teachings (torments?) (of humans) … and unScriptural belief systems of either these people, or of someone who knew them very well, when they were younger, … or even the ones who brought them into this world!  And sometimes, it is our own response to what others teach us (or what YHVH teaches us) which is what is wrong.

How it must grieve The (yes, Tender) Loving, Gentle Heart of our Father in Heaven, to read such pain in the form of words!  Though each person may think he or she “needs” to voice his or her “opinions” about each issue, or topic they choose to share about, … perhaps it would be better if they would only do that either in prayer, or in a personal journal, hand written, or with a Scriptural spiritual warfare counselor.

Why?  Because, when people are not “in the same room with each other,” the words typed (on blogs, or in comments to posts in blogs) can easily be misconstrued, misunderstood, misquoted or misused, by blog writers or by just readers of blogs.  (especially when a topic being “discussed” is one that induces passion or strong emotions in many people)

If “true followers” of Yeshua “do” think they need to share “their take (viewpoint or beliefs)” on a topic such as “Emotional Purity” or “Courtship,” and also believe it will help others if they “post comments” on blogs which try to (in a positive way) tackle one or both of these topics, … they “should” do it prayerfully (!) and humbly and with a meek spirit working in them.

And, if the blog owner takes offense at what the comment-er writes / shares, then it is always possible that the blog owner, herself (or himself; in this case, it was a lady) might be more wise … to stop & consider that there may also be, in the life of the one leaving a comment, some former abuse, some formerly-given ‘pain’ or ‘great suffering,’ which cannot be rightfully expressed in words only (in a comment on a blog, let’s say).

I would guess that … in the case of the blog owner whose post I am using as a  catalyst to speak about these two topics, I can only sense that there is much (inside that blog owner’s soul) which still requires more healing which only YHVH can bring.  And, while that healing is going on, though it might be helpful or “therapeutic” for the blog owner to share (somewhere) about what she has been through, in her own past, … she might do well to not respond to comments, herself, until she is able to respond in “agape” Love and not allow herself to become “bitter” or “angry” or “seeming to write with pride in her own heart” toward those who leave comments on her blog which (to her) disagree with her “viewpoint.”  She needs to see, herself, that she has received more healing, before she comments back to what her ‘readers’ are commenting.  (I know. That seems unjust since she is the blog owner.  But, this lady does seem rather angry & bitter, “still.”)

In my case, here, I will not share a link to what I am writing here, … in “her” blog’s “comments” area.  Why?  Because I think I have sensed enough of the pain she must still be dealing with, in her own life.  And, from experience with my own wrong, negative thoughts, words & actions, and my own “strongholds” in my own mind, … besides some of my own life experiences (& my misguided choices) regarding relationships (which were initially meant for good, but which did not have good results) between ladies & gentlemen, which YHVH is still healing me of, though they “were” affected by how other people lived out their lives “near my own,” … I do not think anything I might “share” in a “comment” on that lady’s blog would be “rightly” responded to by her or anyone else whose comments I have read (so far) agree with her viewpoint. (which are numerous)

She seems to have a “real following,” which I’d say includes other people who seem to continue to suffer after their former years in which they were being taught “beliefs” or “teachings” which they now believe are erroneous.  (and they may be, in the way they were taught to them.  It does seem that the ones “who agree with that blog owner” have quite a lot of “don’t tell me what is in The Word of God” and “don’t use that verse with me!” kinds of attitudes.  She, & those who agree with her, seem to be rather quick to condemn others, yet they “blame” others, who disagree with them, … for citing places in The Word or concepts taught in The Word.  So, it is hard to see that her view of life, in general, and as a believer in Yeshua, is “balanced” at this point in her life.  I’d say, in time, she may find the “true freedom” she seems to be seeking.  Sure hope so!).

In other words, some people are ‘set’ on and ‘stuck in’ what I believe to be unhealthy ways of thinking and belief systems.  Though the lady (whose blog I refer to, without sharing “what” it is; and please do not ask; I won’t share a link to it) also seems to have her own “viewpoint” regarding what is Scriptural.  And, she seems to have her own “viewpoint (level of understanding)” about what is taught, by some, from a human point of view (we all do have “a viewpoint”).  Based on what she believes was taught to her, or lived out “within the realm of her upbringing,” she seems to see anything that reminds her of that type of “thinking” or “teaching” to be evil.  She does not seem to “give room” for anyone else’s viewpoint, including (if possible) that of YHVH God, Himself!  ( I am serious!  I truly do hope I am correctly assessing how she seems to be seeing these topics! )

But, it also seems true that, most likely, she does not seem to want to “learn” from those who are older and (honestly) more mature than she seems to be “in The Word of YHVH.”  Why do I say that?  Because, from what I have read, in the two blog posts I saw, and in comments she & others who agree with her “shared,” … she is not willing for anyone who leaves any comment on her blog to use any ‘catch word,’ which (to her emotional ‘storage bank’ in her own soul) triggers some pain she has been through, which (once again) seems to continue to “run deep” within her soul.

She seems to want to say anyone who disagrees with her “effort” to be “a free spirit (this was her own wording, about herself)” is to blame, themselves!  This is usually done by someone who still harbors a lot of emotional pain!  (maybe the results of some unreasonable, physical or emotional pain which occurred in her past)

That reveals to me that she is using her blog to express her pain, but does not want others, whose beliefs “are” founded upon the Teachings of YHVH our Healer & Deliverer, & of His Son, Yeshua (Who came as our Deliverer & Master) to “teach” her.  She believes, it seems, to “have arrived” at the place at which her own “belief system” must not be questioned regarding these two topics.  That reveals, to me, that her “belief system” should be called into question.

Why?  Because her responses are quite highly charged with emotion and with abusive language she chooses to use, in reaction against those who “question” her conclusions.  I have seen any of them question the reality, to her, of her pain or her suffering (she has been through) from former “abuses” and “restrictive ways of living” and “legalistic” ways of living which she shares she was brought up / raised under.

I do not wish to make this lady seem awful.  ( Am trying to explain “enough” so you get an idea of what seems to be going on in her mind, since she & what she has been through has really struck a chord in many others, like her! )  But, it is quite sad when someone else whom I do not know personally, on some network I have joined in on (which might include well over 1,000 other contributors to the network), shares that he or she “thinks” that a particular blog is one she thinks other moms should visit and read posts on.  Well, in this case, such a “recommended” blog might be used for some good, I hope, as it becomes the catalyst for me to begin to share my own “thoughts” about the two topics of “Emotional Purity” and “Courtship.”  Apparently, there is a real need to deal with what has gone on in some homes, in America, in which well-meaning, believing parents have tried to raise their children in what they believed, at the time, was a wise way.  Parents are “not” perfect in the absolute, human sense of that word!  They are still learning day by day!


One last note on this, for now:  Sometimes, the ways in which our parents, or teachers, or caregivers, lived, or the ways they taught us were right, are right (according to YHVH, Whose Teachings should be our standard for what is right and what is wrong).  But, in some cases, our responses to them, or our different ways of perceiving things we were taught, while growing up, seem to have led us to react against them, or conclude that they were wrong.

Why does that happen?  Because the enemy of our souls “does not (!)” want us to see what we disagree with, inside our own human souls, as good.  It might, indeed, not be good.  But, in some cases, children who have only reacted against, instead of responding rightly to, what they were taught, have admitted later on in life, and with more maturity in Yeshua, that they realized that what their parents were trying to teach them, which came from The Scriptures (which YHVH God wrote into them, and which His Spirit is able to teach us through) was “right” and “good.”


I will be adding more discussions about these two topics.  Some will be shared separately on this blog; some will be shared by additions to this webpage.  Thank you for your patience as I work through, & research more, & study more, about these two topics, and share what I trust will be of good benefit to anyone who reads what I’m sharing here.

I only figure what I share here will be from a different viewpoint / perspective than what others (most are younger than I am)  seem to be sharing elsewhere (online), who are struggling (quite seriously!) to overcome obstacles they believe were put in their path to life.  They seem to be endeavoring to experience true “freedom in Messiah.”  That’s great!

I would not wish to act as if their “suffering” is not real, or is not something that “must” be dealt with, so they may “get on” with the lives they have hoped to live!  I would not wish to ‘downplay’ what they have been through!  I wish I knew more about them (as individuals), and about the living conditions and specific situations & teachings in which they have been raised / taught.  For me, that would help me to better understand compassionately “why” they believe they “must” warn others about “a system” I believe they would say is “broken.”  Broken, in this sense, would refer to the fact (from their viewpoint) that such ways of thinking as “emotional purity” and “courtship” are not useful, nor helpful, to a young person trying to sort through the maze of young men & young ladies who are just wondering, while still growing up, “which ones” they should seriously consider marrying (for life).  Perhaps “the system” really *is* broken, in the sense that it “should” be fixed (changed!) in some way.  I believe the goal of what believing parents want their children to learn is, essentially, at the root, good.  However, there are many who still do not see their own controlling actions (I’ve done that wrong), and do not see areas in which they have been misled.  The results “should be” that they realize ‘where’ they went wrong, and humbly apologize to their children.  However, that must be based on Truth from YHVH God.  He is The Only One knows all there is to know about maintaining “pure thoughts” and “pure attitudes” toward a potential marriage partner!


So, I hope you will join me, as the discussions continue.  If you wish to leave a polite, respectful comment, please do so!  If you wish to rant, then, I will consider sharing with you a location on Facebook where you may do that.  There are quite a few who only seem to want to hear themselves, and others like them, rant & rave against God & parents & any quotations they think they should use, which they take from The Scriptures YHVH inspired (though even satan can quote Scripture, but he misuses it or misapplies it).

Why?   … because they are still going through at least part of the pain they see they ‘were put through.’ (with no choices, they might say; and that may be true for them)  The world in which these in-pain individuals perceive they were raised sound so horribly sad!  Yet, having lived in somewhat of an opposite “growing up situation,” myself (to what the blog owner grew up in), … I only wish I knew more about the particulars of each of these pain-filled young(er) people, so I could rightly respond to them.  Otherwise, from what they do share, … I can only conclude that they still need to obtain ‘more help’ which will ‘truly help them’ to find (once again) the true “freedom in Messiah” they seek.  I know of several groups which could offer real help to those who are in need of healing from very negative experiences in their early lives!  I have shared some of these on my “links” page, on this blog.


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